Friday, October 11, 2013

A day of my own









A special perk of my new phase of work is that the office is shut on Fridays. Blessed be, a day to myself. Today it has been literally that, since I peered blearily at himself off out to the coalface early early I haven't seen another person and that has felt just perfect.

Outwardly I am quietly puttering in the most delicious of ways: crafting, tidying, chatting on the phone, pinning and eating. Fluffing my nest! Inwardly I am busy as a bee incorporating the most wonderful hit of love, light and revelation from last week. Redfox Retreats = one of the most precious, significant, AWESOME events of my life. Dreamt up by three of the most amazing women you could ever have the privilege to meet, attended in the fullest sense of being present by sixteen of the most amazing women you could ever have the privilege to meet. True kindred spirits and very foxy ladies too!

At the start of the year I remember a drive down to see to my family. I was in the passenger seat, chattering away, ruffled and fidgety in a way I am not normally on a car journey. I remember saying "I feel like I might have to kick over the traces." Months later, after trying so very hard not to do so, that is exactly what I did, I reared up and ran off. I'd narrowed down the culprits and realised I couldn't carry on with my current job and feel anything but less day by day and so I bolted, scared of what would happen if I didn't.

Last month I breathed deep, sat in the sun, started the new job feeling worn out but hopeful that this would be the golden ticket to happiness. As I had been afraid they would old feelings of guilt I wasn't doing more crept in despite so many souls around me telling me to just rest a while. I was trying so hard to start making gorgeous things (that I wanted to make - don't get me wrong!) so I could sell them and hold on to the emerging dream. The dream of a life where I only work part-time outside my home doing a job I love. Instead of being in the moment I was already worrying about a depleting savings account and what I would have to do next.

Last week all the things that I know, the things I have been trying to force in to my being since I first picked up a pair of knitting needles nearly seven years ago, finally started to become more than knowledge. They started to become true beliefs as I started to write the story of my choosing. I finally truly felt that it was more than okay to put myself first, it was essential to allowing all I want to give. I can stop being afraid and start acting out of love. With enough love and self-care anything is possible, every dream I will hold will become what it should be.

Last words of this post belong to my Mama. When I was on the phone telling her about the week all but bursting with joy and excitement she asked if it felt like when I had got back from Brownie camp. Apparently I had flopped on to my bed and said 'It was like a dream.' Was it like that? oh YES!!!

6 comments:

Gerri said...

What a blessed thing to have a day for you. I'm sitting having my lunch thinking, "it's so noisy in the world". I need to create this space for myself daily, a quiet space...
So glad to have met you and found a kindred in you. xxO

Fiona said...

beautiful photos. "every dream I will hold will become what it should be" YES! you express it so so well. xo.

itwasjudith said...

Thank you for this interesting post, I really enjoyed reading it!
I wonder about that little "dish" with the witch circle sculptured on it. Is it possible to source it?
Thank you :)

Sarah said...

Hello itwasjudith - the witchy dish was a charity shop find many years ago in Bristol, it has no markings on the back that I can find. Sorry!

itwasjudith said...

Hello Sarah,
Thanks for your reply! Wow, what a wonderful lucky find :) It's really great.
All the best

DrK said...

it is a bit of a revelation isnt it, that moment where its ok to put yourself first. in fact, its not just ok, its kind of essential, because then what do you have to give? it doesnt mean being selfish, its about being the most present in your own life, because no one else will. these photos are just gorgeous, as have been the ones from the retreat. just a little bit envious. enjoy this transition time and let it unfold.

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