Thursday, May 29, 2014

Ordinary magical

Oh. This. Holiday!

Photos are mostly trapped on my phone, words are swirling, both will be indulged in depth in this space I am sure. Till then two things I needed to celebrate today.

1) The moment of purest, everyday magic that opened up my day. A glorious ribbon of light, snaking in under the blind and held fleetingly in the gauzy curtain. I hope some of the wonder and awe I felt has been captured in the pixels above. It was joy.

2) I am returning each day to a poem that dropped in part in to my inbox in a newsletter (Thank you Heather Day earlier this week. It says everything I most needed to hear that day and it makes me feel calm and whole and present to read it. (I haven't got a volume of Rumi's poetry so I am relying on various sources on the interwebs to cross reference (thank you!) for reproduction, they seem to agree and it's working for me)

Response to your question - Rumi

Why ask about behaviour  
when you are soul-essence
and a way of seeing into presence?
Plus you are with us. How could you worry?

You may as well free a few words
from your vocabulary why and how and impossible.
Open the mouth-cage and let those fly away.

We were all born by accident,
but still this wandering caravan
will make camp in perfection.

Forget the nonsense categories
of there and here.
Race and nation and religion.
Starting-point and destination.

You are soul and you are love,
not a sprite or an angel or a human being.
You are a Godman-womanGod-manGod-Godwoman.

No more questions now
as to what it is we are doing here.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

The calm before the journey

Just downloaded a new e book (The Goldfinch) and am finally packed and mentally prepared for three weeks of fun, fun, fabulous holiday time, culminating in Squam. Am so excited to see what unfolds in the next few weeks. Ready to see what it will bring not what it will take. Ah happy as a cat on a lap.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

A little find

Wild seeded holly sapling oxford
The brambles and I have made an uneasy peace in our garden. They are supposed to stay in the wilds at the bottom but like to creep along the edges of our long narrow garden when I'm looking the other way, always seeking more land for their wilds while I would like a few softer plants to have their sway. A few months ago, when snipping rather effetely at them in an effort to check them a little before they got their spring vitality and made a push for the house to trap us forever, I found a little holly sapling in their midst. The bramble snakes had filled an old cold frame but somehow a holly seed had found its own little niche in there, a very welcome intruder!

Mama came to visit this past weekend and so I sought her plant wisdom, to first check that it was indeed a holly and secondly that it was in an okay position. Happily there was good news on both fronts.  We have a lime tree that is going to break my heart a little this coming winter when it has to be cut down. It's been fooling me that it was a hazel for all the years I've been here but Mama ruled that one has to go. Looking at the great limes that grow where the park meets the bottoms of our gardens I have to reluctantly agree that this offspring of theirs needs to be dealt with before it is beyond us to do so. Happily what the garden gods take away with one hand they give with the other and my sadness over the future of the lime is balanced by excitement over the little holly.

Mama and I cleared out and moved the old cold frame and gave it a mulch, room to spread its branches and direct access to the plentiful rains. I hope it doesn't miss its old bramble chums too much as I'd like to keep them at bay. I'm resisting the urge to do anything else to it for the moment and finding that a challenge as it's my shiny favourite thing that I want to pet! There's a wonderful section in my friend Meghan's recently published book Unfurl about tending a garden that I think of when I look at my little holly.  Her words remind me that this will flourish best like all of us with the right balance of care, enough and not too much, so today I just enjoyed taking its photo rather than fuss at it anymore.

Friday, May 02, 2014

Accepting what is...

It has been a week of crashed out, feeling much more poorly than I have for a long time and on Monday that had me in tears railing against the unfairness of still being ill. Then gradually as I've rested this week I've read and watched things that helped me realise that fighting with the reality of where I am gets me nowhere but trapped in that place of protest and suffering. By accepting the need to rest and recover some energy it's coming back all the faster than if I tried to push myself well. There is a state when I am so low with this illness that I almost lose sight of who I am and can believe almost anything (so long as it's awful!)of the situation, including that I will never be well despite a whole raft of evidence (and more and more lately) to the contrary. Yesterday I felt flickers of energy creeping in and picked up two balls of mohair and am now knitting a cloud* as I let my body heal. Let this be a step on the path from accepting what is to truly loving it.

*which there would have been a photo of except the computer and I currently can't agree on where that photo is so I shall accept that this pretty one of the woods will do anyway and love it.
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